Since we went to bed early last night I was awake at about 4:30. That is so early. But as soon as I woke up my brain got to work thinking of useless information. I probably wouldn’t mind if there was something useful going on but there wasn’t. So I got up shortly after because, why not.
I sorted the mail basket which was filled with papers that needed to be filed. It was a good thing I did because I found some information I needed but couldn’t remember the specifics. I also filled out a survey that had come in the mail (I normally wouldn’t have but they sent me a dollar last week and I felt obligated. Whatever. It only took me a couple minutes.)
Since the house was quiet I thought I would study my scriptures. I didn’t get far before all the kids started to wake up and start moving around. I kept going anyways. Gideon sat next to me and worked on his homework. He’s getting better at reading, thank goodness. I was worried for a while.
The past little bit I have been struggling. Not like a daily thing, but just something that has been on my mind. I am not looking for sympathy or anything, just trying to figure out my life. In living life day in and day out I feel like there is just something more– I have most likely mentioned this before so bear with me. I feel like something is missing that is just out of reach. Like there is something beyond the door that if I could just find the key I could open the door and get to it.
This morning as I started to study I read 1 Nephi 11 and the parts that stuck out to me were “…and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me…”, “…thou knowest I believe”, “…because thou believest in the Son of the most high God… thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired.” Believing was obviously something I needed to hear this morning.
Also, I read this on Instagram, “Being sad, disappointed, angry, or discouraged with life is not a sign you lack faith in God. Faithfulness doesn’t require you to pretend you don’t feel human emotion. Faithfulness invites you to turn to the One who understands all human emotion.” –Hank R. Smith.
I had prayed this morning and these were the beginnings of an answered prayer. I love when prayers are answered. But I also love that God is just waiting to answer our prayers. We just have to ask and do our part.
I still have a long ways to go to figure out the answers to my questions, ponderings, struggles – everything! This morning was a good start.
What got me thinking is I was looking at a friend’s post on Facebook and she is pregnant with her 6th baby, works full time, has been going to school and is currently working on getting her doctorate. I feel pretty pathetic when compared to that. I cleaned up parts of the house yesterday. Whoohoo. Do I feel like I am falling short? You betcha.
I could go to school and get some great degree and get some great job. Would we be better off financially? Would we have more opportunities? Yes, I could and we would, but what would I have to trade to get that? What would I miss out on? Probably so much. I know that is not the path for me but where the struggle comes in is I feel like I am supposed to do more but I don’t know what that is or how to do it.
Anyways, enough of that for now.
I didn’t accomplish much today. I did do part of what I set out to do and then I fell asleep holding Evangeline during her nap. Oops. Oh well.
For dinner I tried my hand at tortillas. Again. Good again but not what I wanted them to be. We had breakfast burritos and hashbrowns for dinner.
But guess what. My little lecture last night worked. I set the timer for ten minutes and we had the kitchen cleaned up in ten minutes. It was amazing. My life. (Insert eye roll.)
Since we had time we watched a movie I had started the other day. It was a cute, fun, and funny movie on Amazon Prime called We Love You, Sally Carmichael. I want my house decorated like the girls house on the movie. The kids thought I was ridiculous and said stuff like “it’s just a couch, you cant take it with you when you die”. Um, yeah kids, but I’d still like nice furniture.
Now if the baby would just go to sleep then so could I.